Domestic Violence and the Church

 How do we bring about harmony in the Church and all of its parts ,both male  and female, (members)?

Statistics (2017) show that for women over the age of 15, 1 in 5 had experienced sexual violence. 1 in 6 had experienced physical or sexual violence from a current or former partner. 1 in 4 had emotional abuse, 1 in 3 physical violence and 1 in 5 women over 18 have been stalked at some point in their lives.If we take an average over a 12 month period, it shows that 1 woman every week is killed as a result of intimate partner violence.

Ephesians 2:4 Paul tells us to “be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love”.

 Now just imagine: if everyone followed this advice then there certainly wouldn’t be any domestic abuse of any kind. 

The truth is, as Christians, it shouldn’t just be about not engaging in ongoing abusive behavior, rather our bar should be set much higher.

As God’s temple on this world, we cannot turn a blind eye to the abuse. We need to have an open place where people feel comfortable to come and seek help. 

The problem is, for too long the church, (the place that should be full of God’s chosen people) has instead been a safe haven for the abuser. Misunderstanding scripture has meant that when a husband abuses his wife, this has been seen as just part of the submission that should take place. But God’s temple is not a place in which abuse can be tolerated. 

What this looks like in practice is not easy to see. Whether we start any specific programs or put in place practices that make us a safe haven is things we could discuss. At a minimum however, it needs to be clear that there is no place for this sort of behavior here. While this may be a place in which an abuser can seek repentance, it can never be a place where their behavior is condoned. 

Unfortunately we are actually not that good at following the advice. Paul continues the advice later in the chapter. Telling us in verse 26 that in our anger do not sin. In verse 29 to not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth. And then in verse 31, it’s almost as if he’s addressing domestic violence directly saying: “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

We should not even give the devil a single foothold ever.

When we move into chapter 5, Paul now starts to address the domestic relationships directly, and this is where I mentioned before we get a lot of misinterpretation. 

What I mean is people take verse 22 which says: “Wives, submit yourself to your own husband as you do to the Lord” and make it mean that the wife should do whatever the husband wants.

Now whatever you understand of male headship, under no circumstance can it ever mean that a husband can be abusive of their wife. We can know this because Paul states it very clearly in verse 25 when he says: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”.

In other words, if we are to use Christ as the example, we should see how the husband should be sacrificial of himself in the way he treats his wife.

It should be straight forward that abuse can never be justified by the teaching of the Bible, but unfortunately this has not been the case in the past. Soundfaith